13 Property Lessons From the Movies

Beetlejuice

Make sure when buying a house in New England the previous owners are not ghosts and do not employ a freelance, trouble shooting zombie played by Michael Keaton.

Baby Boom

(1987) Dir. Charles Shyer

When buying a house in New England (you see a pattern developing here) make sure the roof doesn't leak, the plumbing is not prehistoric and the heating system actually produces heat.

However it's always nice to have an orchard in the garden if you need to launch a multi million dollar baby food manufacturing corporation, which then enables you to take revenge on a slimy ex colleague played by James Spader.

Amityville Horror

(1979) Dir. Stuart Rosenberg

If you are going to buy a house in New England ( where else?) make sure it was not the scene of multiple murders and infested with supernatural powers.

Bleeding walls are a big hint that possibly the reason why this property is going cheap is not of this World.

Mousehunt

(1997) Dir. Gore Verbinski

Buying a house infested with rodents is obviously something you need to take action over. But when you inherit a house and there is only one mouse causing the trouble, it's probably best to give up and simply demolish the entire house before the mouse does.

Any rodent that can lay down some serious smackdown on Christopher Walken is obviously too powerful.

Poltergeist

(1982) Dir. Tobe Hunter

Even if your house is brand spanking new it's best not to buy one which has been built over ancient indian burial grounds. After all, you don't want your first born sucked into the TV.

Psycho

(1960) Dir. Alfred Hitchcock

It may be useful buying a house with a going concern attached, but when the house comes with "Mother", as a dessicated corpse resting on the bed and previous owner is a complete loon, it's best to ask for a big discount.

Panic Room

(2002) Dir. David Fincher

If you like the feeling of security and you fear home invasion by low life scum, you may want a house with a panic room.

However, it's best not to have the item the low life's want in the panic room with you. It's also best to have a phone and maybe internet connection so at least you can check your email whilst waiting for the SWAT team to arrive and clean house of low life scum.

Gosford Park

(2001) Dir. Robert Altman

If you are considering owning an English Stately home you should take note it takes a lot of staff to runthe house well.

If you do have to employ household staff, it's best not to employ the mother of your illegimate son, who you forced to give up her child and work for you as head cook. It's also best to keep the poison under lock and key.

The Shining

(1980) Dir. Stanley Kubrick

Although an isolated, empty hotel out of season may be a great place to write a book and for your son to roam around the place on a tricycle, your wife may object to you trying to force entry to the bathroom with an axe. What this movie teaches is that square footage alone is not how you should judge a property. Malevolant supernatural forces should also be taken into account when deciding the value of a property.

The Addams Family

(1991) Dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

I doubt the Adam's Family property will ever be on the market due to the enormous family wealth and longevityof its current owners. However, if sold will require serious renovation to bring it up to modern standards and an exorcism performed by the Pope himself.

Lord of The Rings

(2001) Dir. Peter Jackson

This property is an absolute must if you are looking for a property with outstanding natural views. Although I suggest setting aside some cash for installation of an elevator and Ent proof fence, owing to the proximity of Fangorn Forest,

It would also help if you have experience in wizardry and are good with heights.

Notting Hill

(1999) Dir. Roger Michell

If you own a blue door property in a fashionable part of West London it's best not to open the door in your underpants after your flatmate has had sex with an A list Hollywood celebrity who the press are in heat for.

It's also wise if you are a movie director selling their house to include the house prominently in your next film, enabling your agent to list the house, "As seen in the Movies".

The Money Pit

(1986) Dir. Richard Benjamin

When buying a house (in New England of course) it's best to check the electrical, plumbing and structural aspects first. Also, if the house was previously owned by a notorious Rock band, it is best to check if the stairs are still intact.